


Earning Your Stripes

by mikaceous



Series: DaeVerse [2]
Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Original Work
Genre: (it's not that bad or graphic tho), Alternate Universe - Daemons, Blood and Injury, Daemon Feels, Daemons, Gen, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Same-Sex Daemons, Self-Growth, Swearing, identity crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 10:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20580797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikaceous/pseuds/mikaceous
Summary: Danny keeps getting headaches. No one knows why, least of all their daemon.





	Earning Your Stripes

“Danny, stop staring at that screen before you go blind. It’s hurting you so badly that I can feel your headache.” 

Danny groans and pushes their chair back, spinning around to face the room behind them. They throw their arm over their face and lean back in their seat. “I know, I feel it too. But this screen’s never given us issues before. You’ve got special deer eyes; does it look weird or flashy to you?”

“No. It looks fine. But it has to be the computer. It’s not like you’ve been staring any anything else for the past six hours.” Though they can’t see Meg, they know their Persian fallow deer daemon is looking down on them with a displeased expression.

Danny grins sheepishly at the hidden snide remark. “Alright, alright. I can take a hint. Let’s take a break. Want to head to the coffee shop?” They uncover their face, rubbing their eyes one last time before holding their hand out. Meg accepts the touch, and they scratch her behind the ears, a small but grounding motion they gravitate towards whenever they’re thinking.

Meg closes her eyes and tilts her head so that they’re scratching the center of her skull instead. “That sounds good. Let’s get decaf, though.”

“I can do you one better and get tea instead,” says Danny. They start to stand up, but Meg whines. The sound is so unnatural coming out of her throat that they fall back down again, stunned. “What the hell was that?” they demand.

Meg blinks a few times and opens her eyes, staring back at Danny innocently. “What was what?”

“That god awful sound you just made.”

“Oh, that?” Meg rolls her eyes. “You’re such a baby. I was just enjoying that scratch. What were you saying?”

Danny raises their eyebrows. They don’t press the issue, but through their link they can feel her trying to ignore the flush spreading through her fur. “I was saying I should get tea.”

“Oh. Yes. Perfect. But before we do that, can you scratch me again, right where you were doing it before? That felt really nice.”

Danny tries not to laugh. “Sure,  _ Chataltool. _ As long as you promise not to purr again.”

Meg’s eyes shoot daggers. “It was one time. Don’t make me mention the time  _ you _ purred.” 

This time, Danny does laugh. “Alright, alright, point taken. _ Bo henah. _ ”

\---

There’s a lot of difficulties Danny had anticipated when Meg had first settled as a deer, like public transportation, or school. One of the ones they hadn’t seen coming was how hard it would be to shower. When they were living with their mom, she had paid to have an oversize flat-bottomed shower installed. When they were at college, large showers were a given on any floor with oversize-friendly dorm rooms. 

But here’s the thing about being out of college: Danny’s poor, and neither they nor Alice can afford an apartment with a specially adapted shower. They’re better off than their friend Theo, whose large draft horse daemon means he’s forced to spend money he doesn’t have for amenities that Danny and Alice, with his much smaller horse daemon, are able to scrape by without. 

Meg can technically squeeze into the tiny shower, but not with Danny in there with her, which makes cleaning her up that much harder. Tonight it was Meg’s turn to take a shower (cleaning two bodies when it’s this difficult takes up a lot of energy, okay? So sometimes they alternate). “You need to stop squirming,” tuts Danny as they rub shampoo into their daemon’s head. 

She twists and shakes her head, sending soap suds flying. “I have a headache. My head hurts.”

Danny frowns. “Again? Do you have soap in your eyes?”

Meg squeezes her eyes shut. “No. It’s the same as whatever caused the last one. Don’t you feel it too?”

Danny rocks back on their heels, pinching the bridge of their nose. “I mean… sort of. I thought it was allergies.”

Meg grunts. “Well then, when I get out of this shower I am shoving Allegra as far down your throat as my hooves can reach. And NyQuil. So much NyQuil.”

Danny chucks Meg’s chin. “Sure. Whatever you want.” They splash some water onto her head, and they both wince as the soapy water makes something sting. 

Meg hisses, shaking her head and and clenching her teeth together. 

Still wincing, Danny holds Meg’s head and guides her closer so they can get a good look at her. They touch her skull with gentle fingers until they both wince from the pain again. “ _ Ma lezazel _ ?” 

Meg follows Danny’s lead and switches back into Hebrew. “What? What’s wrong?” While her tone is carefully even, her the nervous twitch of her ears betrays her anxiety, leeching off of the concern she feels from Danny.

“Your… Your skin is rubbed raw.” Danny says, lighting ghosting their fingers over the patches where Meg had rubbed her fur off to the point that her skin slowly seeps out the golden ooze that daemons have instead of blood. “How did I not notice this before? Is this why we have a headache?”

“No,” sniffs Meg. “The headache started before I got itchy.”

Danny’s eyes widen. “This is all from  _ scratching yourself?” _

Meg rolls her eyes, but Danny can feel how frustrated she is. “Obviously.”

They scramble to turn off the water and pick up the towel, rubbing her down. Her brown fur, darker than her European fallow deer counterparts, fluffs up from the static. “Forget the Allegra. I’m going to put some ointment on this immediately.” 

Meg puts up a show, but any complaints she might have had die off as soon as Danny dabs the salve onto her head. Her eyes close, and she leans into their touch. 

“Better now?” asks Danny, rubbing the base off her neck--close enough to their usual spot to be comforting, but far enough away to not risk hurting her again. 

“Yes,” sighs Meg. “Stopped the headache for once, too.”

“You think we should see a doctor?” asks Danny, continuing to worry her fur, still damp from the shower. 

“No. Maybe. If it doesn’t get better on its own,” says Meg. 

“How do we know?”

“We won’t be able to tell in this state. Let’s wind down, watch a movie.”

“Okay,” says Danny. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

\---

They forget to talk about it in the morning. Or “forget”. It doesn’t really matter which of the two it was, but neither Meg nor Danny bring up the topic of her ragged head wounds again. 

What does matter is later that day when they’re hanging out with Mat at his and his brother’s place, curled up together on the couch watching a documentary about the food culture in eastern Bombay. Even normally-stoic Meg is getting into it, and she cuddles up around Minty and wraps her neck around the black fox. In some ways that’s good, because the apartment is  _ not _ oversize friendly and it’s so cramped that she can hardly fit into it without walking into another daemon (or worse, human). She’s paying more attention to the TV than the fox licking at her face, but that’s okay because she can catch Danny up on all the details they miss while they make out with their boyfriend. 

It’s quite romantic, really. 

With half a mind, Danny supposes that Enki, perched on top of Meg’s back, subtracts from the mood. They’re no longer concerned about how freakishly far away the large black corvid daemon can get from George, currently in the back folding laundry; it’ll be a long time before it stops  _ worrying _ them, but for now they settle for “not feeling visibly sick every time they see Enki and George more than ten feet apart from each other.” Besides, Enki seems pretty focused on the television, so Danny doesn’t feel too self conscious when they pull Mat in for another kiss.

But they’re quick to pull away when George sidles into the living room, knocking on the doorway as he enters. “Sorry to interrupt, but the toilet’s acting funky again. Matty, I dealt with it the last five times, give a shot for once, will you?”

Mat groans and pulls himself out from underneath Danny. “Fine, fine. This apartment is a nightmare and I can’t believe we’re paying for this piece of crap.” He motions for Minty to follow, and she gives Meg one last nuzzle before popping into the air and scampering after her human. 

George eyes Mat as he walks past him into the bathroom. The minute he’s gone he flies over to Danny and grabs them by the shoulders, his face the epitome of seriousness. “Are you okay? Be honest with me here. I can tell if you’re lying.”

“What?” Danny shakes him off. “I’m fine. And really? Is  _ that  _ what they teach the kids who major in dust studies?”

George frowns. “No. But saying that I can usually scares people into telling the truth.” He motions to their daemons, still lying on the floor. 

Meg scrambles to her feet and Enki flaps off of her, croaking. He settles down on the arm of the chair closest to George, glaring at Meg in frustration--or is that concern? 

“Enki saw her wounds. And I know you may not have wanted to say anything to Mat because he’s an idiot and and can’t tell his feet from his hands, but I’ve been where you are. No matter what may to tell yourself, torturing your daemon  _ does  _ still count as self harm. I know things may seem bad now, but I promise they’ll get better. But if you keep torturing yourselves like this you’re going to end up with a warped range or accidentally trigger a resettling, and nobody wants that.”

“George. George. Stop.” Danny has to raise their voice to be heard over George’s worrying. They put their hand over George’s at the same time their deer daemon knocks her head into Enki, not hard enough to make him fall but enough to get his attention.

“What are you even talking about? Do you mean the scratches on her head?” Danny sighs and pinches the bridge of their nose. “Those are just scratches, nothing bad or unusual about it. We’re having… allergies. Or something. That’s it.”

George looks at Danny, then at Meg and Enki, and back to Danny. “So you’re telling me that your daemon is scratching herself so hard that she’s bleeding, and that that’s just  _ fine _ and not an issue.”

Silence. Danny looks away, uncomfortable with George’s iron stare. 

“Well, when you put it that way,” says Meg. 

George frowns again, but he backs off and stands up. He motions for Enki, who flaps up onto his shoulder. At that moment, Minty bounds back into the room, Mat hot on her heels. The black fox daemon stands up on her hind paws to touch noses to Meg as Mat collapses into place on the couch in the exact same spot he was before. “That was hardly an emergency,” he says loudly. “Definitely not worth interrupting date night for.”

George looks at Danny, who shrugs. “Guess I was mistaken,” says George. “Sorry for interrupting. Enjoy your movie.” 

After he leaves, Danny and Mat adjust themselves comfortably again. “Sorry about that,” murmurs Mat, kissing Danny on the cheek. “My brother is an idiot who has no clue how to read the room.”

“I could say the same about you,” says Danny, but they don’t mean it unkindly. 

Mat laughs. “Fair enough.”

Unfortunately, well-meant or not, George’s interruption really kills the mood. Danny keeps thinking about what he said and both they and Meg hold themselves back. They’re quiet for the rest of the evening, until it’s time for them to go back to their place with Alice. 

\---

Back at home, Danny rests their hand on the doorknob to enter their apartment. They stop before going in and turn to look at Meg. “We should talk.”

“We should.”

“This could be serious. We could need real, medical help.”

“We definitely could.”

“In the morning?”

“Morning sounds good,” agrees Meg. She grunts and shakes her head again. “But take a NyQuil before you go to sleep. And Advil. The headache’s back.” She swears under her breath.

Danny murmurs their assent. They let Meg into the apartment before locking the door, and drop their bag onto the nearest empty floor space because Meg’s right, their everything  _ hurts _ . They stumble through the most minimal nighttime routine ever and down as many drugs as they can find in their cabinet before collapsing onto their bed. 

Meg crawls up with them and lays her head across their stomach. “Ugh.”

“Ugh is right,” agrees Danny. They rub the base of her neck and then push her to her side of the bed so they can get under the covers. “ _ Lilah tov. _ ”

“ _ Lilah tov _ , Danny.” 

Though they fall asleep quickly, Danny’s dreams are dark and murky. They’re also interrupted when something tries to punch their guts out. They shriek and bolt upright, scanning the room for danger. Their mood falls when the only thing they see is Meg, watching them with a pained expression. “ _ Ma zeh _ ?” they ask, too cranky to think into English. They still have that freaking headache, too. So much for pain meds.

“Danny. Look.” The urgency in her voice kills off any complaints Danny might have had. Meg tilts her head forward so Danny can see her cuts. They were mostly scabbed over -- daemon injuries heal fast -- but something still doesn’t look right. They reach a hand out to touch them and realize that no, those aren’t scabs.

They’re antlers.

\---

“Yup, those are definitely antlers,” Alice confirms over breakfast. He had also been cranky when Danny slammed open his door at ass o’clock in the morning, demanding that he get up  _ now _ because there is Official Roommate Emergency Business to attend to. Like Danny, he becomes a lot less grumpy when he sees what the emergency actually  _ is. _

“But what does that  _ mean _ ?” frets Danny, glancing at Meg for the umpeenth time this morning. There are two small bumps poking out from her head, though they swear they look bigger every time they look. Already they can see the beginnings of tines starting to form. 

“It means you can stop complaining about pollen allergies, because that was clearly not and never was the issue here,” says Alice. When Danny glowers instead of grins at his lame attempt at a joke, he sighs and raises his hand with palms out in defeat. “Look, I know I’m a horse, but I’m not the foofy spiritual kind. You know who would know what to make of this? Your boyfriend’s weird brother. He knows too much so he’d definitely know what this means. And if he didn’t, he’d make something up to make you feel better.”

“Thanks,” says Danny dryly, reaching over to feel Meg’s antlers again. Alice’s horse daemon leans over and tries to nuzzle her with her white nose in apology, but Meg pulls back and rolls her eyes. “I’ve heard of… how’s that saying go again? Earning your stripes? But this is ridiculous.”

Alice laughs. “It’s fitting, though. You two are weird, so of course your daemon would be a doe that has  _ antlers.” _

Aw, crap. The implications of this whole schebackle sink in. Danny groans and covers their hands with their face. “Mom’s going to kill us.”

“We can tell her that I’m making up for the masculinity that you lack,” offers Meg.

Danny chokes out a laugh before they can stop themselves. “That’s true.”

Meg nuzzles Danny, who lifts their face to look at her. “Hey, we’ll be alright. You don’t fit into a lot of neat labels, and maybe this is the universe just giving us a sign to say that that’s alright. And telling everyone else that they better accept it, because it’s sure as hell not going to change anytime soon.”

Danny takes a deep breath, considering her words. Maybe there’s something to it. God knows they’ve never been good at fitting in, in any sense of the word. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe they’re supposed to be like that. Grinning, Danny pulls Meg in close for a hug. “Maybe this means that we’re finally growing into ourselves.” 

“Could be,” agrees Meg. She backs out of Danny’s grip and shakes her head. “Feels weird, having this extra weight on top of my skull.”

“Just wait, it’ll get worse!” says Alice’s horse daemon cheerfully. This time when she goes in for a nuzzle, Meg lets her.

Yeah, this whole mess is going to be a pain in the ass to deal with. Especially since everyone and their daemon is going to want to comment on it. But they do have to admit that Meg commands a certain kind of confidence that she didn’t have before. 

A year ago, they would have definitely been too much, especially with all of the shit that they had both been going through. But now? They fit. Maybe they are growing into themselves, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> A short continuation of my daeverse, taking place about a year after the events from A Deer And Her Human. Not my most groundbreaking piece, perhaps, but I have thoughts about eventually posting more (hopefully longer) daeverse pieces, and this gives some important background as to why Meg suddenly has antlers now, aha. 
> 
> Hebrew-English Reference:  
Chataltool - kitten (used here as an affectionate nickname)  
Bo henah - come here  
Ma lezazel? - what the hell?  
Ma zeh? - what is it?  
Lilah tov - good night


End file.
